Why I love Indian English, & Why You Will Also Be Loving It! (Yeah, Why Not?)

Photo of us Last weekend in Mahabalipuram and Kanchipuram. It was really hot, about 104 with 50% humidity.

I am learning a lot about how not to speak English like and American. For example, we are working on the curriculum and I had suggested that some sessions could be "grouped" or integrated into another session or even another module within the curriculum. Well, I have learned a new word for combing or grouping—its "clubbing." You can say that I have
"clubbed" the session about transmission with the session about prevention--- meaning that the two sessions have been "joined" or "grouped" to create a more cohesive session. Well, I just looked up the word "clubbed" in the Encarta World English Dictionary and it says that: "clubbed" adj--is used to describe an appendage with a swelling at one end, like a club.

Like a clubbed foot, a common birth defect.

But, according to the Oxford dictionary when club is used as a verb it means verb (clubbed, clubbing) 1 (club together) --combine with others to do something, especially to collect a sum of money.

But, never fear my fellow Americans, "clubbing" still means "going out to the clubs—to go dancing. I asked them what "clubbed" meant, and they said it was to "join something," they also looked at me like I was stupid. I'll tell you, whose stupid! Clubbed? Whatever!

My other favorite phrase is " oh, you must be knowing…" why do I always "have to be having" a process? Can't I just "know" something—why do I "have to be knowing" it?

I also left off (meaning "I forgot") another favorite occurrence in Indian English—the shortening of titles and words- for example enthusiasm is "enthu" and for the title Assistant Warden, its "ass wardi." Does it get better than this? And, for the record, people write like this in their official reports and in their newspapers. Like, if something is now "official", its has gone "legit." Similar to MC Hammer's Too Legit to Quit- recorded for the movie, Addam's Family 2. Yup—no kidding. I do (have been doing) a lot of editing here.

Most recently- this girl who desperately wants to be a "cool girl" from Mumbai- listens to "modern rock" which she defines as Limp Bizkit and Eminem (yes, I am knowing that this is mad thinking. Modern Rock—is that really, bad music from the 80's) and wears tank tops and high heels- is searching for an apartment. She said that she will begin, " 'hardcore-ly' searching for her flat in next coming days." What? Hardcore-ly? no, no no!

I feel that she is such a "time pass" (this indicates the act of passing time without a specific purpose or motivation, a.k.a. a "waste of time") Where am I? If I start talking like this- please, please, please stop me.